Why I Wrote Waking Up in Handcuffs

I never planned to be a spokesperson for sobriety. That was never the vision.

My plan was to write about spirituality, personal growth, and awakening — the kind of content I cover in You Must Be Present to Win. But the Universe, as it tends to do, had a different idea. And I've learned to follow where it leads.

Waking Up in Handcuffs: Drugs. Alcohol. Trouble. Repeat. is now available, and I want to tell you the story behind it — because the story of how this book came to be is almost as strange as the stories inside it.

It Started in a Meditation Four Years Ago

During my first Dark Night of the Soul, I was separated from my wife, going through one of the hardest stretches of my life. In the middle of a meditation, an idea came to me — not a gentle nudge, but a full download. I grabbed a digital voice recorder and spent an entire night spilling my guts.

I told stories I had never told anyone. Ridiculous alcohol use. Riding my motorcycle while intoxicated. One bad decision after another, stretching from age 15 all the way into my 40s. I admitted to all kinds of destructive behavior in raw, unfiltered detail.

Then I put the recorder away and decided no one would ever hear it.

Four Years of Silence

The first draft was dictated in one night four years ago. Ten months ago, I had reviewed the original manuscript and convinced myself there was still no way I could let anyone read it. It basically makes me look like a fool — and I knew that going in.

Then, during a recent morning meditation, the whole thing came back to me. Not as a vague memory, but as a sudden knowing of exactly how to finish it.

I realized I could take the stories I hadn't used in You Must Be Present to Win — including my Dark Night of the Soul experience and my Twin Flame story — and weave them together with those original recordings. I added what I call "flashbacks": current-day reflections that give context to the raw moments from four years ago.

What emerged is something I didn't expect: a book that is both a memoir and a self-help guide.

Why I'm Sharing Stories I Wasn't Sure I Wanted to Tell

When I learned about Human Design and Gene Keys, I came to understand that my life's work is rooted in my core wounds.

My first book, Self-Help for At-Risk Teens, came from the trauma of losing both parents at a young age. That was the wound I knew about. What I didn't fully see until writing this book is that losing my parents young set off a chain reaction — and substance use was a direct response to that early childhood trauma.

From age 15 into my 40s, drugs and alcohol were a constant thread running through my life. They caused a lot of unfortunate experiences, to put it mildly.

What I've had to accept is that I can't help people with the parts of my story I'm willing to hide. If I've struggled with something and found a way through it, and I stay silent about it, I'm leaving people behind who needed to hear it.

I'm not proud of every story in this book. But if even one person reads it and avoids a path I went down — or finds the courage to get sober — then putting myself out there was worth it.

This Book Is for You If...

You've used substances to cope with pain you didn't know how to face. You've made decisions you're not proud of and wondered if you're beyond help. You've felt the pull toward a better version of yourself but couldn't figure out how to get there.

Waking Up in Handcuffs doesn't offer a tidy recovery story. It offers honesty — the kind that's hard to find and harder to write. My hope is that seeing someone else's mess laid out plainly makes your own feel a little less impossible.

The Book Is Available Now

Waking Up in Handcuffs: Drugs. Alcohol. Trouble. Repeat. is available now. You can grab your copy here:

Get Waking Up in Handcuffs →

If you've been following the podcast, you know this book has been a long time coming. Thank you for being patient, and thank you for being on this journey with me.

More episodes are coming — including a full series based on You Must Be Present to Win, one chapter at a time. Subscribe so you don't miss them.

And as always — have a great, sober day.